Walking and Falling

On a recent weekend retreat to a state park about an hour south of here, I rose early in the morning for a walk at dawn. Alone with my thoughts. Alone with my God.

Fog was thick across the lake. You could barely see the end of the dock. A footpath seemed to circle around lakeside, and I chose to follow it to the left.

A song came into my head and I found myself singing. Alone with my thoughts. Alone with my God.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the robe & crown?
Good Lord show me the way

O brothers let's go down
Let's go down, come on down
Come on brothers, let's go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the starry crown?
Good Lord show me the way

Suddenly I fell. Hard. Flat on my butt. Walking down some wooden timber steps my feet simply flew out from under me, and I came down with an unholy thud.

I must have made a sound — a grunt? a curse? — because I could see the heads of two fishermen in a boat in the lake both look in my direction. Did they see me? Apparently not. They immediately went back to watching their lines.

I got up brushed myself off and walked on, gingerly, slowly making my way down the remaining timbers and along the leafy path.

O sinners, let's go down
Let's go down, come on down
O sinners, let's go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the robe and crown?
Good Lord show me the way

Then I stepped on a boardwalk over a dry creek bed, and it happened again. This time my right foot slid away from me and off the edge of the treated lumber bridge. I came down on my left knee which slid across the slippery boardwalk and barely caught myself with the heel of my hands, preventing a face plant but sending my glasses flying off my face where they hung dangling between two boards.

Let's go down, come of down
O sinners, let's go down

Okay, Lord. You've got my attention.

Did you have to be so literal?

Okay. I guess you did.

Good Lord, show me the way.

A Permanent State

Coldplay singing from my iTunes, echoes my thoughts from long, long ago:

When I was a young boy I tried to listen
And I wanna feel like that,
Little white shadows blink and miss them
Part of a system, I am

If you ever feel like something's missing
Things you'll never understand,
Little white shadows sparkle and glisten,
Part of a system, a plan

All this noise I'm waking up
All this space I'm taking up
All this sound is breaking up

Maybe you'll get what you wanted
Maybe you'll stumble upon it
Everything you ever wanted
In a permanent state

Words I wrote perhaps 25 years ago:

To live on a mesa I really don't know.

Downhill so sudden
Verbatim vast
Crepuscular plummet
So hard to forecast

Not much has changed.

God, are you listening?

Are you there?

If you are, help me understand: Why do you not answer our prayers?