It's been a while since I last posted. I've been struggling with an especially difficult new client. Trying to find the elusive thing that will make them happy. It's a client that in better times, frankly, I would have resigned. I'm wondering if business will ever be what it was just a year ago. Then, if you've been following my grand-nephew, Will's story, you know that he went in for his second surgery to repair a serious heart defect, the doctors said basically "It doesn't look good," and he is now clinging onto the frayed edges of life. And in the midst of all this, while listening to the words of "Thank U" by Alanis Morissette, I am struck with a rare moment of clarity.
How about me not blaming you for everything
How about me enjoying the moment for once
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
How about grieving it all one at a time
Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence
The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down
How about no longer being masochistic
How about remembering your divinity
How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How about not equating death with stopping
Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence
The world is still revolving on its axis. God is still in charge. I remember His Divinity. I remember this life is not meant to be perfect. I remember that "all good things work for good for those who love the Lord." I remember that God's will is good, pleasing and perfect. And I remember to be trusting -- yes, even thankful -- for disappointment, for hardship, for weakness. If nothing else comes from difficulty, it draws me closer to God. And for that -- for Him, for His presence -- I am grateful.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Visit Me on Facebook
Twitter Updates
About Me
- Jay
- Middle Age Man, Christian, son, husband, father, business owner, graphic designer, writer, cook and gardener.
3 comments:
Jay, I am so thankful for you and for the way you "do faith." This very morning I needed to read this. I haven't looked at your blog in weeks (due to a Lenten resolve to spend less time on the Internet), but decided to just now, and I'm so glad I did. I was just struggling with the way so many people have something "good" happen in their lives and say "God is good" because of what happened. Or "our prayers were answered" because of what happened. I guess someday we'll be able to look back and see what "good" really means, but in the meantime, I'm not going to put my faith in the things that happen. There has to be something more, Someone whose definition of "good" is more than what I can see.
Jay, I am so thankful for you and for the way you "do faith." This very morning I needed to read this. I haven't looked at your blog in weeks (due to a Lenten resolve to spend less time on the Internet), but decided to just now, and I'm so glad I did. I was just struggling with the way so many people have something "good" happen in their lives and say "God is good" because of what happened. Or "our prayers were answered" because of what happened. I guess someday we'll be able to look back and see what "good" really means, but in the meantime, I'm not going to put my faith in the things that happen. There has to be something more, Someone whose definition of "good" is more than what I can see.
Thanks for your thoughtful message and for that beautiful thought, Sheila. Maybe it’s my age, but I’ve started to develop a more overtly philosophical view of this life than ever before. My business has been through a tumultuous time of client losses due to corporate mergers and expense cuts, all of which has seemed random and circumstantial, completely out of my control and due in no way to any fault of my own. Then, perhaps to put all of that into perspective, Will’s struggle for life and his ultimate death has affected me deeply.
I cannot believe in a God that takes pleasure in our pain or a God that metes out punishment if we step out of line. I believe, in an almost scientific way, that this life, the ways things are, is a system of free choice that comes with it an element of CHAOS. “Good” things happen to “bad” people. “Bad” things happen to “good” people. It rains on the just and on the unjust. Good times come and good times go. The test is in our resolve to hold fast to God as The Great Good regardless of, in spite of, and perhaps even because of, the “bad” things that come our way.
Until we are absorbed into his Great Goodness, this life will never be perfect as we define perfection. But if God’s will is indeed “good, pleasing and perfect,” then I have to believe that even the “imperfect” things around us are somehow a part of his divine will.
More and more, my prayer is “Maranatha — Lord, come quickly.” Until then, I will seek his purpose for me in this world --- even if that purpose is just to believe in him, learn more of who he is and speak his name and live my life so that God is visible, real and alive in this world.
Thanks for your comment. You are an encouragement to me.
Post a Comment